Sometimes I feel as though I am a doomed before I start a project, a chore or take on any responsibility that I know that I can "handle". I make things out to be really complicated when they really are not. Lately, I have realized that I have been giving a certain incident that happened in 6th grade at the hands of an instructor who was supposed to encourage me, protect me, prepare me for the future, WAY TOO MUCH HYPE!! I realized that I was still allowing him to steal my SHINE after all these years. I mean he was the one who was suppose to be a part of the village that was raising me, right???
Well, he failed me miserably that day in math class at the chalkboard when he humiliated me with the most insensitive, chauvinistic,venomous words that any parent, caregiver, instructor, village member could say!! They were UGLY WORDS!! I guess in his defense he thought that he was challenging me with tough love in front of my peers, most of them his prized math team pets. What he did was shook loose what little foundation of confidence I had as a girl on the verge of adolescence, a girl whose father was "absent" at the time, a girl whose grandfather was doing the best he could to step in. I think a big part of me died that day in math class and it has taken many years of prayer and encouragement of others who love me to PUSH past those UGLY WORDS!!
Well, today I thought about my teacher, how I have forgiven him years ago, yet still hold on to the UGLY WORDS at times of my uncertainty. I decided to let him go in peace and the UGLY WORDS too, allowing them to no longer LOOM over my thoughts, decisions and rob me of my power.